Go figure...

Yesterday was my first day at Integris and I was SO hoping I'd get through my first day without making a fool out of myself... but this is me we're talking about, right? *sigh*

So we had this one patient that had a trach and was wearing a cervical collar due to a neck injury. The poor guy was having a really hard time because his trach was getting clogged up with his thick secretions/sputum so every once in a while the nurse or respiratory therapist had to go in there and suction all that crap out. Anyway, my charge nurse (who knows I'm in school for nursing) asked me to help her since my morning hadn't been too terribly exciting and the coolest thing I'd gotten to do thusfar were some finger sticks. So I gowned up because he was an isolation patient (he has MRSA) and put on my gloves, and face-shield mask. His room was REALLY hot... the thermostat was above 85, I believe. It hadn't been a problem the previous times I'd been in there with him that morning because vital signs and finger sticks take all of 3 minutes, so you're in and out. However cleaning out this poor guys trach took a lot longer than I expected. She had me hold his head perfectly still while she took his neck brace off and then got to work suctioning, cleaning, and replacing all his little doodads. She asked me if I was getting grossed out, but honestly it was actually pretty cool. Ten minutes into the whole thing he started getting really uncomfortable (since she had to keep suctioning again and again after cleaning around it) and grimacing a lot. I felt terrible for him and tried to smile and be comforting but then I realized all he could see of my face were my eyes, which probably weren't very comforting-looking anyway. Then he started curling up and shaking and coughing and gasping like crazy. The nurse said it was normal but it was just too much for me at that point, I think. I'd already started to feel really hot because of the isolation gear but all of a sudden it felt like 110* in there. I knew I was starting to have a little freak out so I focused on breathing and telling myself to hang on. My arms were starting to shake a little from holding his head absolutely still in that position for that long and then with him writhing and gasping and looking at me with his eyes bugging out... that was it. I started getting this funny ringing in my ears and the the spots started. I knew I was going to pass out but I was SO embarrassed and trying to hold on, but it's like time just slowed down and it was taking forever... I couldn't feel my legs anymore and could hardly see (except for the flashing spots) so I managed to say something lame along the lines of, "Uh... I think... I need some... air... real quick..." I don't know what I looked like but she took his head and told me to strip my stuff off and go get some water. I made it to the break room just in time. I was sweating and it took forever to get the ringing in my ears to stop. I sipped on some Sprite and just wanted to die... seriously, on my first day? Way to make an impression, huh? Doh!

Afterwards, they came and checked on me and I apologized profusely. I felt like such a shmuck... She was really nice and told me it happens to everyone, especially when you are new. I tried to explain that it really wasn't the gross-factor, it was the heat and seeing him writhe around and gasping and looking so freaked out and scared that did me in. I don't think they believed me and still think I just got grossed out... *sigh* So now I feel like I have to prove myself... reassure them that I have the intestinal fortitude to be an NA and someday an RN.

Other than that, my 1st day was great! I had a blast! I got to see some nasty stuff (none of which bothered me, argh that's SO frustrating!) but it was really cool. My feet were killing me when I got home and I passed out on the couch at about 8:30 but man, I can't wait until Tuesday!