AAAAAARGH!

Ugh, can't it be November 21st yet??? I'm SO ready for Twilight (the movie) to come out already... it's taking forever, sheesh.

*sigh*... That is all.

Ben, my foot chiropractor

So I went in for my 3 week post-op visit today and sure enough, she wielded a scalpel! Oh wells, it hurt much less this time and to my knowledge, I'm not bleeding profusely right now. :) She also looked at my toe and yes, still locked and bones out of place. Ben was instructed in the art of relocating bones to their proper alignment, and while I was terrified at first, I am confident in his skills now. (Although it didn't exactly just tickle, he didn't rip my toe off, so thats a good start, right?) Then she taped my foot up nice and tight and sprayed some stuff on there to make it harden (kinda like a cast) and I can't get it wet for a few days. Nice. It does feel loads better though, so thats good!

For your anatomical viewing pleasure, the bone thats dislocated is my 1st metatarsal, the thick one that is above the big toe, so technically its the bone of your (middle) foot that your toe is conected to.


In 2 weeks if my foot is still giving me grief we will try something else. What? I have no idea, but hopefully it won't involve scalpels!

BRISINGR!

So I finished it last night, FINALLY! Between Seimnary, work, and trying to spend some quality time with my hubby before crashing at a decent hour, I barely had any time to read and it was driving me c-r-a-z-y!!! Hooray for more Eragon and Saphira, it was about stinking time! Too bad it will probably be way too long before the 4th and final book is published.

All in all, this has been my favorite book probably! Ironically enough, it was also the gorriest/bloodiest/most violent (which if you know me well, you know how odd that is) of them all, but I managed to skip over all of that and still know what was going on thanks to Ben! I was glad to see Eragon mature and quit being such a whiney, love-sick pup... that was driving me insane. I also enjoyed watching Nasuada's character develop so much more. Probably my favorite thing though, was the continuation of the strength, depth, and tenederness of Eragon's bond with Saphira. Makes me jealous and wish I could talk like that with my Blubbers.

Anyway, all you Eragon fans: Go read it, its great!

Everyone else that read this post and went, "Huh?": Go read it, its great! (Start with book 1 of course... it's called Eragon)

Atra esterni ono thelduin!

Hooray for books!

Thank goodness for them, for this weekend would have been hard without one. I'm not feeling so hot and have spent the better part of the weekend on my couch or in bed. Fortunately for me, BRISINGR, the 3rd book of The Inheritance Cycle was released Friday/Saturday at midnight and I've been steadily devouring my way through it. Right now Ben has it and is catching up so we can sontinue reading outloud to one another. It's SO good! Ah, I love weekends spent curled up with a good book, albeit in major pain, but nevertheless good times.

There is a reason why doctors lie...

... Because if they told the truth you'd never let them touch you!!!

I had my 1 week post-op today.... I won't get into too many gross details, but suffice it to say that it was torture! I've had a raw, open, VERY painful wound on the ball of my foot all week. It's been trying very hard to scab over and heal. Today my doctor decides to take a scalpel to it and SCRAPE it all off and make it all raw and open and bleeding again!!! Did I mention that there was no numbing prior to this? Yeah... I'm NOT very happy right now, as my foot is once again throbbing and bleeding... hooray. And I have to go back in 2 weeks to get this done again?!?! The cat's out of the bag now though... Can't fool me with the old, "Oh this will just hurt a liiiiiiiiittle bit for just a second!" line... grrr...

Then she looks at my toe again. Tries to bend it... it won't! "Yep, its still locked! Looks like I'll have to pop it back in again." I just about almost lost it right there. My foot was already throbbing and aching and burning SO bad and this woman wants to yank my toe back into place again? (No numbing for this either, mind you) She did.. and it hurt... of course. This time was a bit more forceful, like it wasn't quite working. Then she told me that if it still keeps up (getting locked up) I'd have to bring Ben next time so she could teach him how to relocate the bone again at home... Apparently, with injuries like this, it can be a while before the joints/bones return to normal and are able to stay in place again. With an open wound (that needs constant reopening, argh!!!) on the same foot, its not like they can cast it so... popping it back into place every so often is the best we can do for me... for now, I guess. NOT cool.

Just wanted to whine... er, I mean... give an update. I'm now foing to go take some meds and lay down for a nap and hopefully get away from this pain.

Day of Remembrance

Has it really been 7 years? It feels like just yesterday that Erin came running into my room to drag me out of bed. (My roomie at BYU) I remember her saying something about a my home being attacked and then she plopped me down on the couch in front of our TV... my world fell apart. Some of the first images I saw were of my highschool, about 3 blocks away from the WTC. The students and teachers were being evacuated, they were running up the riverwalk along West St. While I didn't recognize any student faces, I did spot a few teachers I knew.. and then Tower 1 started to fall and the plume of debris and smoke enveloped them all... leaving the static you get when you lose transmition momentarily... I will never EVER forget the horror I felt in that moment. Then the panic... My mom... she was working downtown that day... was she anywhere nearby? The frantic phonecalls began... my brother, my godparents, family friends... all calling me to ask if I'd heard from my mom. I had no answer for them, just the same exact question. My dad was in Uruguay, so he was unreachable for a long time. It took hours to hear from her... she was amongst the many that had to walk home, across the bridges. What about my friends? Where were they? Could they have lost anyone? Could I lose any one of them? It took days to hear from many of them, as they were spending most of their free time down at ground zero, helping with recovery, waiting with loved ones who had someone missing. My highschool was later used as a base of operations during the recovery efforts, and later as a morgue.

I was saddened by the lack of coverage by the media today. I'm sure its a different story back home, but here in OK it was pretty much business as usual, with the occasional, "Oh... its 9/11 isn't it?" from my patients as they asked the date while filling out a check. I suppose those not affected by this horrible trajedy can afford to forget.

I cannot.

Pretty shoe!

They say imitation is the highest form of praise, right? Well then, Shannon, I must really like you girl! I went out and busted my toe just so I could wear a pretty shoe, just like you!



Heehee, no, I'm just kidding... who busts their toe on purpose? That's just the klutz in me. But anyway, yah, now I get to wear a pretty post-op shoe and hobble along. I went to the Podiatrist today to have a nasty little bugger of a plantar wart cut out of my foot. It was not a pleasant experince, but I got a pretty purple bandage wrapped around my foot for it! I also had her look at my toe, and after acertaining tha it wasn't broken (phew!) she informed me that it was, however, dislocated and badly mangled! (I can't bend it still, a week later) She then proceeded to "massage" it and then all of a sudden... YANK! She popped that sucker back into place and um... OWWWW!!!!! Depending on how it is next week, we may have to splint or cast it if it doesn't stay in place. This shoe is supposed to help with that, so we'll see.

Moral of the story? When your husband asks you to take his father's edger/weed-wacker back to him.... smile, and kindly tell him no! :) (For those of you that haven't heard the story yet, that's how this happened... I dropped the edger on my toe, cut it open, had to go to Mercy to get a tetanus shot, and limp around for a week on a dislocated toe b/c the shmucks at Mercy didn't think to X-ray it.)

It just never ends, does it?

I warn you ahead of time, before you read this all the way though... this is going to be one depressing post. So, if you're having a good day and don't want it marred... do not proceed. (I'd hate to kill anyone's buzz)

Two days ago a friend of mine had her entire universe come to a screeching halt in the most terrible of ways. After years and years of infertility, she finally was able to conceive though IVF. She was blessed with twins, and oh the joy that was felt to watch as her dreams came true and some of that awful heartache be healed. Every baby is a blessing and a miracle, but I can't help but be extra happy and amazed when they come to those close to me that have felt the pain, the struggles, the loneliness, and desperation that is infertility.

I said this post was going to be depressing... for this friend of mine has lost one of her precious miracles. She went in for her "big ultrasound" to find out the babies' genders and instead found out that one of them had passed. What was just 1 week earlier a strong heartbeat was now silent. A very active kicker, now still.

I have watched others go through this, and once again my heart breaks. These were not my babies, and while I cannot say I know what she is going through or that I know how she feels... in the kindred spirit sort of way, I ache for her and her loss in a way that even I can't fully comprehend and/or wrap my brain around.

It's times like these that I am ever so grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and the comfort and assurances it brings to me. My friend is asking "Why her? Why now?" I do not know... Why would Heavenly Father take away one precious miracle after such a long, arduous road full of so much shattered hope and devestation? Yes, she has the one twin left, but this situation has put that surviving twin in a perilous spot, and what is 1 loss can quickly turn into 2. It makes me afraid to even (finally) get pregnant, because I think I would much rather not experience the joy of it at all, if it can be so swiftly taken away.

So many think that when you finally conceive and are happily on your way to motherhood, all the pain and scars of infertility are magically erased. What they fail to see is that we will never be free of it. Pregnancies are never more to be enjoyed in "ignorant bliss" like most women do because we know all too well the statistics and terrible "rare" things that can happen. (Case in point) It's almost as if infertility becomes a magnet for those "rare trajedies" because sadly enough they often seem to come hand in hand. As if the years of waiting and wanting, being poked and prodded, having what should be private and sacred reduced to a schedule on paper, and being pumped full of terrible drugs isn't enough... to then have your dreams come true and then taken away again just when you start feeling its ok to let your guard down... It's SO hard to be hopeful because self-preservation kicks in and you know you have to prepare, because at any moment your fragile little card castle can come tumbling down, with no rhyme or reason at all... it just can, and most likely will.

Again, pain is pain, and grief comes no matter what your faith or beliefs. I am grateful to know that little ones lost can and will be returned to us someday. I know that earthly trials and sorrows are but a fleeting moment and will someday become so for us, as we experience eternal joy and happiness. I know all these things both in my head and in my heart... but for now I grieve with my friend. I grieve for her pain, for a future that could be mine, and for the pain and horrible doubts something like this forces into each and every mind of one who has walked in these horrible shoes of infertility.

...Sometimes life just plain sucks.