This is going to be a depressing post, just a warning. Much like this one last year, so again.... I don't want to kill anyone's buzz... read on at your own risk.
Sometimes life just stinks. No worries, all is great here (with us). I'm referring to the never-ending battle and up's and down's of infertility and infant loss. Once again I am reminded of how fragile hope can be, how quickly it can be squashed, and how never-ending this painful journey can feel. A friend of mine (fellow Endo sufferer) just lost her baby. This after years of infertility, several miscarriages (one just earlier this year) and multiple rounds of IVF. This was supposed to be it... the "sticky one" (as we refer to BFP's that hang on) the one that made it. She was well into her 2nd trimester, past the danger zone... her baby a boy. Then, just a few days before Thanksgiving, baby Wyatt passed and she was induced to deliver her teeny tiny angel. A few days later, as if by some cruel joke, she started lactating. Now, a week later, she's found out part of the placenta was left behind and is having to take some medication to expel it, otherwise it will mean another surgery... of which she's already had plenty this year. When is enough, enough?
I know that we are sent here to be tried and tested and that we'll never be given more than we can handle. Sometimes however, I marvel at the amount of pain one is called to endure. After all that... and still no baby to hold. I can't even begin to comprehend her suffering, and I've had my fair share these past 4 years since we decided to try and start a family. My heart aches for her and her dear hubby. Things like this make me wonder if this is what awaits me if and when we finally conceive. How do you get back up from that? I don't know how I would.
I have no children to hug tonight, but those of you who do, hold them close and remember that even when they're driving you bonkers, keeping you awake all night, and making you want to rip your hair out... they are the hugest blessing one could ever ask for and they're all yours forever. You are rich beyond all imagination, my friends.
5 comments:
One thing I have learned from John is that life is short and that we need to charish every moment. John understands more than I the disappointment of not being able to have a child, a struggle from his first marriage. I love you and my prayers are with you and your friend.
I hear things like this and think, "Why, why, why?! Why do these people have to go through so much?" It doesn't seem fair. My heart goes out to this family.
My heart is breaking for your friend and her husband. There is never a pain so strong as the pain you feel for the loss of a child. They are in my thoughts.
Kim
Life stinks! There is just no other way of putting it. My MISCARRIAGE ripped me apart...I can't IMAGINE how a pre-term baby loss would kill me. I'm thinking of your friend, of you, and of all the couples struggling endlessly for a baby. I can't figure out how we are commanded to "multiply and replenish the earth" and then not given the ability to do just that. It's cruel...it's a horrible trial NO ONE should be called to endure...Hopefully we make it through in one piece....
Best of luck to you,
Dani
poor allison, my heart just breaks for her :(
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