Jigsaw puzzles and eternal perspective

Yesterday was Stake Conference, and as always the talks were great. As it goes with these things, there was one particular talk that struck very close to home for me and was exactly what I needed to hear at the moment. (Don't you just love that?) In one talk, the subject of jigsaw puzzles was brought up and how they are very frustrating. I immediately connected with the sentiment, as I too hate them because I get so flustered and have little patience with them. He went on to say that many times he is tempted to grab a piece and snip it with his scissors to make it fit, rather than keep searching mindlessly for the actual puzzle piece that really belongs there. (Again, something I myself would do if left alone with a puzzle) Then he compared that to our lives. Sometimes we get these odd pieces that we don't quite know what to do with, and in frustration, we want to "force" them and mold them to what we want them to be like. In doing so we forget that while this may be a short-term solution, in the end the big picture (completed puzzle) won't come together the way it should!

As most of you know, for the past 4 years, I've been struggling with a particularly stubborn puzzle piece in my life... infertility. For over 3 years Ben and I tried to "cut and mold" that piece so that it would fit the way we wanted it to... we did countless rounds of fertility treatments, surgeries, etc. I pushed and pleaded with Heavenly Father to grant our desires NOW. After all, isn't having children a righteous desire and an essential part of the Plan? It became an obsession, a battle of wills, and I forgot to trust in His will and His timing for our little family. Eventually we came to the realization that it was time to stop pushing and let whatever is meant to happen, happen. My health was failing, we certainly couldn't afford the next and final step (IVF) and so after much prayer and internal battles with myself, I decided to just let it go.

This decision has allowed me to pursue other dreams I had forgotten I had. I'm back in school working on my RN, which I'm sooooo excited about. I haven't been this excited about something in so long, and it feels good to be back in school and accomplishing something, rather than feeling like a big fat failure month after month, year after year. I have been sure and at peace about this decision for quite some time now, but every once in a while, that yearning for motherhood pushes it's way back to the front of the line and I get all crazy again and start doubting our decision to take a break from it all.

I've been struggling with that especially over the past couple of weeks and hearing this talk at Stake Conference was just what I needed. A gentle reminder of what I already know to be the right path for Ben and I at this time in our lives. I'm thankful for a Heavenly Father that knows me and understands when I need these reminders. I'm grateful to know that He does have a plan for us, and while the puzzle pieces may not be fitting how I want them to right at this particular time in my life, I know that if I trust in Him, the finished puzzle will be perfect and more glorious than I could ever achieve on my own.